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Smarter Dating For Singles Over 40

real professional singles with other like-minded mature singles that are serious about dating.

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If you’re dating over 40, you come to the dating scene with a lot of experience from your past loves and relationships. Sometimes that experience can work in your favor—you know what you want and are better at identifying when things are and aren’t working. Other times, however, your experience can work against you. Here are 5 things many people dating over 40 may be doing wrong.

1. Talking too much about your ex/exes
Let’s face it if you’re over 40 and single, chances are you’ve already been in several relationships, if not a marriage or two. One of the first questions that usually get asked after you meet someone is, “So, why are you still single?”

So, of course, you start talking about your ex or exes and how they were horrible, or how they cheated on you, which conjures up any number of bad memories, and suddenly you realize that you’ve spent your first date looking back instead of forward. You chatted aimlessly about the people you’re no longer with instead of trying to get to know the person right in front of you.

It’s normal to be curious about someone’s past, and I’m sure you’ll come across a date who will want to know more about your history. My advice is to spend minimal time talking about past lovers on your first date and spend more time finding out about the person you’re with. Telling someone how badly you were treated in the past might make them think there’s something more to the story you’re telling. For example, if you tell your date that you constantly got into fights with your ex, they might feel that the same thing could happen between the two of you. Or if you were cheated on, it may enter your date’s mind that there’s a reason for the cheating, and suddenly they’ll wonder about your compatibility, your state of mind, and any number of things.

Your past is past. Focus on the present situation and your current date.

2. Making the wrong fashion statement
Ladies: Did we forget what the word “lady” means?! I recently went out with a few friends for a drink. While in the bathroom, I overheard this woman who had to be in her late 40s talking to her friends about how she looks better than most 20-year-olds. I admit she looked good, meaning she was physically fit and had a pretty face, but she was wearing a mini-mini skirt with a cut-off shirt, and her breasts were virtually hanging out. Listen, I get it. You want to look sexy and feel young, but don’t give away the farm! How about just a nice, short skirt and a little cleavage? Let’s leave something to the imagination. Trust me, the guy will be able to see if you have a nice figure or not. Also, when it comes to perfume, why is it the older some women get, the more they put on? Try just spritzing on a nice, clean, mellow scent so the guy doesn’t choke to death. You don’t need to smell like you just bathed in it. - the best cougar dating site! – the best cougar dating site!

Men: It shouldn’t be that difficult for you to get dressed, but I see bad examples every day. You throw on a shirt with a pair of pants and shoes and you think you’re ready to head out the door. But take a good look at the button-down shirt you’re wearing—is it clean and properly pressed? Why go out in a wrinkled shirt and express your lack of know-how with an iron and board? Also, leave the ripped jeans at home until a second or third date. And I know sneakers are a big deal to a lot of you, but again, wait for a couple of dates before you sport your designer Nikes. Gentlemen, wearing a baseball cap on your first date is a fashion and personal faux pas, unless, of course, you are at a baseball game. If you’re doing this to hide your thinning hair or baldness, why not let your date see the real you from the start? Don’t be embarrassed, be proud of who you are! As with women and their perfume, don’t use the whole bottle of cologne on a first date—in fact, don’t do it ever.

3. Drinking to excess
I know the first date can be a little nerve-wracking, no matter what age. Believe it or not, I hear more stories about people in their 40s drinking a little too much on the first date than any other age bracket. I think it may be due to tension and nervousness, and the fact that maybe you’re just sick and tired of dating. First off, we all have to keep DUIs and safety in mind. Second, you’re old enough to know what happens when you drink a little too much. You may say something, or worse, do something you’ll regret in the morning. All I am saying is, pace yourself and be smart. Save the shots for another time.

4. Too eager or too indifferent
I think one of two things happen to us mentally when we date in our 40s. We either start to feel desperate, or we start developing an, “I’m fine on my own!” attitude. The desperate people who are dating over 40 and want to be married may come on a little too strong, or be so overly willing to please that they scare off their potential mates. Then we have those who think, “If it happens, it happens,” and won’t put an honest effort into the date. Their dates are made to feel like these people don’t honestly care for them, and the lack of emotions indicate if incorrectly, that settling down isn’t in their future. Egos really play a part here, and if there’s too much of it, the date can turn south quickly.

So just try to be the person in the middle. Don’t play the excited puppy dog, but don’t be the disinterested lazy cat lounging on the couch either.

5. Jumping in the sack too soon
I hear from many older women and men, “I’m an adult and I know what I’m doing!” Of course, you do. I understand that you’re tired of being alone and that you can use a good night of ardent, passionate, loving sex. I’m not questioning the fact that you’re an adult—I’m questioning whether you absolutely need to jump in the sack right away.

Sex more often than not means seeing one another naked. That is a huge step for two people who have just met. Real intimacy requires comfort and trust in one another, and it’s really hard to get those things after a two-hour dinner, or drinks at a bar. Try to get to know each other a little better. I think if you have sex too soon, it can interfere with getting to know the real person. Lust has a way of making us forget everything else, and that includes personal feelings.

Try to keep the date PG-rated, okay? Yes, we are all adults, but that also means we should have a level of maturity that allows us to hold out for a while and not succumb to carnal desires just yet.

As we get older, we tend to overthink the dating process since we have a larger frame of reference than a 25-year-old. If we remember to relax and be ourselves while keeping in mind the advice above, I’m sure good things will follow. - the best cougar dating site! – the best cougar dating site!

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Men Want in a Woman

When you reach your 40s a lot of changes but not as much as you may think. By your 40s you’ve experienced enough that your ideas about the world and your place in it don’t just come from your parents, your schooling, or what you’ve been told. You’ve learned a thing or two and have come up with your own ideas about the world and become accountable for your own life and happiness. As as result, the people you want to form relationships with change too. If you’re wondering what 40-year-old men want in a woman that’s different from younger men, the answer is plenty.

It’s easy to make assumptions about what men in their 40s want in a woman but to get to the heart of the matter, we turned to the popular online dating site Zoosk. They data-mined 656,356 profiles to see what words men in their 30s, 40s, and 50s mention most often when describing what they’re looking for in a romantic interest.

And though a lot of what men look for is the same, there are some key differences between 40-year-old men and other age groups.

Top Characteristics Men in Their 40s Want In a Woman

30s 40s 50+
fun fun fun
honest honest honest
laugh laugh relationship
humor humor laugh
funny caring loving
the nice loving sense of humor
the sense of humor kind happy
smile sense of humor caring
caring relationship kind
open happy open
loving have fun smile
smart loyal intelligent
kids family romantic
down to earth positive active
happy intelligent easy going
family easy going down to earth
to have fun beautiful open minded
Here are some key takeaways…

Men of all ages want a fun, honest women.
The most popular characteristic for all men of all ages is fun. And the second most popular character for all men of all ages is honest. Across the board, men are looking for honest women they can have a good time with. (Interestingly enough, women’s top characteristic is honest as well.)

Men in their 40s want someone caring, loving, and kind.
Unlike their younger counterparts, who mention things like a nice smile or nice personality more often, men in their 40s bring up a caring, loving, and kind when describing who they want.

Men in their 40s value intelligent women more than younger men.
For men over 40 intelligence is the 16th most popular characteristic, while for men over 50 it jumps to the 13th most popular trait. Interestingly enough, men in their 30s don’t mention intelligence as often but instead, use the word smart when describing the women they’re looking for.

All men love a good sense of humor
Perhaps this goes along with being fun, but men of all ages mention humor or a sense of humor as a top trait. And women who know how to have a good laugh are popular too.

40-year-old men want someone who’s loyal.
Unlike other age groups, men in their 40s list someone who’s loyal as a top trait. Perhaps because they’ve experienced a few heartaches or perhaps because they’re looking for someone who wants to be a partner in life and stay by their side.

Men in their 40s want happy, positive partners.
Another popular trait among all men was happy and, though it didn’t make the top list for other age groups, men in their 40s were interested in being with someone who’s positive as well.

After looking into what men in their 40s want there are a few key takeaways—for the most part, men of all ages want an honest, caring person who they can also have a great time and laugh with. However, men in their 40s mention put a lot of emphasis on traits such as being loyal, easy-going, and positive.

A man in his 40s isn’t that different from the younger men or older men you may have dated before. They simply have lived enough to want things their younger selves may not have value, and are still looking for that person to share their life with.


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You’ve handled everything life has thrown at you. You’ve done well. But it’s time to focus on your own happiness. That means finding someone special to share your life with. Where do you begin?

You’ve come to the right place if …

You’re ready to meet new people, but your job and social circles don’t have eligible singles that interest you.
You’ve tried online dating, but you’re sick and tired of the endless back and forth.
You have a lot to offer the right person, but not another minute for playing games.
You want real results, but the thought of crowded bars, loud music, and pickup lines makes you ill.
You’re beyond ready to meet the right person for you, so you can stop looking for love and start enjoying it.
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